Leadership 2: Missional Community
Part 2 : Conflict
INTRODUCTION
Conflict is a part of life, a part of our relationships, and a part of our teams and communities. Patrick Lencioni, in his book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, explains that conflict is actually important to have a healthy and functioning team. However, conflict that is not handled well, or is ignored, can have the opposite effect. Instead of strengthening a team, conflict can destroy teams, ministries and relationships. In this session we will look at conflict and how we address conflict in our Young Life ministries.
Evidence of staff demonstrating this objective looks like:
- Understands the biblical basis for Young Life’s conflict resolution policy.
- Practices the Young Life conflict resolution policy within their Young Life work and relationships.
- Understands their personal conflict style, their families conflict style and how conflict is typically handled in their culture.
- Able to distinguish between personal conflict and ministry philosophical disagreement or difference.
SELF REFLECTION
How do you typically handle conflict? Do you avoid it? Do you challenge others quickly? Do you take the blame for a situation when someone confronts you? How we naturally handle conflict is largely influenced by the families and situations we grew up in.
Think about a specific conflict that happened in your family when you were growing up. Take a few minutes and write down your memories of that situation. Who was involved? What was the conflict about? How did you respond to the conflict? Did it get resolved? If so, how? How typical was this situation to other conflicts in your home?
Now spend some time thinking about a conflict in some sort of work or ministry team that you have been involved in. Who was involved? How did the conflict start? How was it resolved? How did you respond in this situation? How did other people respond? Write your notes down about this situation as well and be prepared to talk about these two situations at your upcoming training meeting.
The models we saw for handling conflict in our homes growing up have a deep impact on us and how we naturally respond in situation. Those natural responses directly impact the teams we work on, the missional communities we are a part of. Consider that each person in your community has very different natural responses to conflict. Some people are not intimidated by conflict and … for others conflict can be dangerous.
Tend to be five ways people handle conflict. One of the most popular models to explain the five common conflict styles, is the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI). According to this model, the common conflict styles are: avoiding, accommodating, competing, compromising, and collaborating. These styles are based on two dimensions: assertiveness and cooperativeness. Assertiveness is how much you are taking charge of a situation and pushing your agenda or perspective. Cooperation is the level of how much you are considering other people’s perspectives and viewpoints and seeking to work together with them.
1. AVOIDING
This style sometimes looks like valuing the relationship over the need to deal with the conflict. In reality it involves a low concern for both oneself and the other person involved in the conflict. It typically involves withdrawing from the conflict situation or postponing a decision until later.
2. ACCoMODATING
This style involves a high concern for the other party's needs and a low concern for one's own. It often ends up in giving in to the other person’s demands to maintain harmony or avoid a confrontation.
3. COMPETING
This style involves a high concern for one's own needs and a low concern for the other person’s. It's often characterized by assertive and aggressive behavior aimed at winning the conflict. Commitment is the hard work. Consensus makes it feel like we are all done. Consensus is the false summit. Commitment is the “buy in” piece.
4. COMPROMISING
This style involves a moderate concern for both oneself and the other party. It aims to find a mutually acceptable solution that satisfies both parties' needs to some extent.
5. Collaborating
This style involves a high concern for both oneself and the other party. It aims to find a win-win solution that fully addresses the needs of all parties involved.
SELF REFLECTION
We understand that unresolved conflict destroys relationships and teams, and hurts our ability to introduce young people to Jesus Christ and help them grow in their faith. As leaders we need to grow in our awareness of ourselves, how we deal with conflict and how that might affect others around us. We also seek to care well for the people around us, and that impacts how we have challenging conversations that we sometimes need to have.
Therefore, as an organization we have a model of how all staff, volunteers and action team members commit to deal with conflict. In Young Life we call this the Conflict Resolution Policy. This is a document that outlines how we as an organization and mission commit to handling conflicts within our ministries and the mission. Let’s spend some time looking at the Biblical passages that are the foundation of this policy.
- Matthew 18:15-17
- Matthew 5:23–24
- Ephesians 4
- Galatians 6:1–2
Let’s be clear, these passages are not the only way we see conflict being handled in the Bible. Nathan indirectly confronts David through a story in 2 Samuel 12 after David sleeps with Bathsheba and then tries to cover up his sin. Different cultures today have typical ways of handling conflict – some are more direct and some are more indirect. However, as a missional community of believers, we agree to follow the Biblical principals outlined above in how we deal with conflict in our team and within the Young Life community. Why is this so important to us? As Jesus reminds us in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” The enemy would like nothing more than to destroy our relationships, teams and testimony to stop us from sharing the good news of Jesus with young people in our communities. Teams and ministries can quickly be destroyed through unresolved conflict and gossip that often goes with conflict situations.
Spend some time reading over the Conflict Resolution Policy in your language. Be ready to explain the steps to resolve conflict, and the Biblical background of those steps, at your next training meeting.
ACCOUNTABILITY
- Do you have a clear understanding of the Young Life Conflict Resolution Policy?
- Do you actively use this policy to handle conflict within your team or Young Life in general?
- How do you share the Conflict Resolution Policy with your team to make sure they are aware of it and committed to it?
- How do you see yourself and your team relationships growing because of healthy conflict management?
ACTION STEPS
- How do you describe your conflict style? Be ready to share an example of how you have dealt with a conflict well, and a time when you did not deal with conflict well. What is your biggest challenge right now in working through conflict?
- How does your culture handle conflict? Are there different conflict styles and cultures on your local team? What are the challenges with that?
- Be ready to explain Young Life’s Conflict Resolution Policy in your own words. Why do you think this is such an important topic that Young Life would have an international policy for it?
- Create a plan with your Area Director/Supervisor on how you will discuss handling conflict with your team and how you will teach them the Conflict Resolution Policy.
